That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
