He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
