So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
