I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
