I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
