i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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