His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
