so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
