i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
