i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
