i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
