If i come over, it means nothing
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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