I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
