you turned your livingroom into a bong?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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