my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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