loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
