My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
