put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
