forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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