is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
