dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
