i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
