my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
