Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
