I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
