I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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