i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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