note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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