I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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