they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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