Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
