What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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