Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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