Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
