so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
is wine microwaveable?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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