is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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