Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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