It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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