I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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