no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
