the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
