She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
