yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
