Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
