I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
