Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
