She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
