I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
