Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
