**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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