I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
