My room smells like vodka and shame
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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