I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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