so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
