Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
